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Grieving the loss of my mum

7 Feb 2019 09:20

Hi 

I lost my mum to lung cancer on 20th January . She was diagnosed on 3rd December and it has all been really quick and I feel empty and lost. My mum was supposed to have radiotherapy and immunotherapy and we trully believed we had 6 to 9 months with her not just weeks. I am a therapy radiographer and work in the cancer setting so I knew from very early on that mums diagnoses was bad but I still cannot accept how quickly she passed away.  I was with her in the hospice when she passed away and it was peaceful and she had told me she was ready to go. I accept she is no longer suffering but wasnt ready to lose her. She was my rock and I feel devastated. I dont feel like anything has any meaning anymore and just want to sit on my own and cry. I am only several days on from the funeral so assume this is normal grief. I am scared as I feel my mental health is poor and not sure how I am going to get through. Luckily my family are great but I feel alone. Reading the posts on here is giving me some comfort but really feel isolated

Thanks for reading xx

Re: Grieving the loss of my mum

7 Feb 2019 10:41 in response to Khugs

Hello khugs; welcome to the forum.  I am so sorry that you lost your mum; while it is a blessing that she did not suffer it means that the shock and speed of her decline have found a home in you - and other family members who loved her.  Of course I don't know your family situation but I hope that have at least one person with whom you can meaningfully discuss your sorrow  I imagine you have already been told to take things one day at a time but it is good advice - you cannot look too far forward as there is a big hole where your mum should be.  After many years I still sometimes talk out loud to  my mum .  I ask her opinion (obviously I don't get it but can imagine her response in whatever the situation is).  While your mum is no longer physically with you the old cliche is true; she is in your heart and mind.  Be kind to yourself.  Annie

Re: Grieving the loss of my mum

11 Feb 2019 09:57 in response to Annieliz

Thanks for the reply Annie. I am very lucky to have a great husband who also loved my mum dearly so we do speak about her all the time. Its just so hard. Thats so true about our mums being in our hearts and minds forever. This forum is helping me come to terms with the loss. Thanks again xxx

Re: Grieving the loss of my mum

11 Feb 2019 10:08 in response to Khugs

Hi, I feel exactly the same as you , I lost my mum on the 4th January , I feel completly empty and lost . Just to say I'm thinking of you xx

Re: Grieving the loss of my mum

11 Feb 2019 10:42 in response to Khugs

Hi Khugs,

I'm so sorry for your lost. I can't imagine what it feels like to lose a mother.
You are probably still in shock, and although I don't understand much about losing someone, I think it's something that unfortunately never goes away. I guess the pain is enormous because your love was enormous too...
It's difficult that we lose control of such important things... That's what cancer teaches us... That we are impotent and cannot do much...I think it's ok for you to cry and to grieve, it is normal that it takes some time to heal. I know it feels unbearable, but unfourtunately it is a terrible situation, so the feelings you have are normal... Only if you were a psycopath you wouldn't feel that pain...I also I'm sure that you are not alone, even if that is what feels like. A lot of people here are going through the same, and I'm sure other people loved your mother and feel some kind of pain. 
I hope that with time you will feel better and have more joy in your life. But I understand it's not easy.

Take care**