Grandma is terminal, says shes not ready to leave us

27 May 2022 21:28

My amazing grandma has terminal lung cancer thats spread to her chest and ribs. 

After coughing up blood since last may but being dismissed by doctors due to covid, we finally got a diagnosis two months ago and its too late. 

im incredibly angry. my grandma was a nursing sister/matron for the nhs her entire life and the one time she needed them, they let her down. this could have been treated if they had listened to her. 

but anyway. 

she is having radiotherapy to help with the pain but her recent review showed that its still growing. 

she is in so much pain and gets tired easily. 

she has always been fit, active, hiking with the dogs, extremely independent. now she sits in tears because she isnt ready to die. she had been renovating her new 'forever house' and made it perfect, its just about to be completed, and she cant even enjoy it. 

shes the one person that deserves life, to live, all she does is help others, yet here she is. 

she cries and cries, saying she wants to stay with us her family, her dog, she has so many more adventures planned, my wedding, her first great grandchildren. there is going to be no coming to terms with it, so im. more upset for her than i am for myself. i can handle the grief she made me strong. but how do i comfort her for the inevitable? i cannot stop this. she desperately wants to live but all she is being told is death. 

 

i dont know what the purpose of this is. i think i just needed to get ut out. 

we are doing as much family stuff as we can with her but she always gets upset saying she doesnt want these times to end and its like it makes her more upset knowing what she is leaving behind. 

what on earth do i do?

she just got me a locket for my 21st birthday which i am going to put a picture of me and her in it. we both cried and cried. im crying now thinking of how i will wear it on my wedding day because she wont be there. 

why is cancer so terrible and why does it take the most amazing people