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Finding it hard to be/stay positive

20 Apr 2019 21:21

Hi everybody. 

I have stage 2 Ewing's Sarcoma ( I was diagnosed 4 months ago). I'm currently on my two week treatment break and I'm going to be starting my third cycle very soon. It's only been 4 months since I was diagnosed and I know that's nothing comapred to some people on here, but I've had enough of everything already. I'm only 23 but I just don't feel my age at all because of all of this. 

I also lost my brother 6 months ago due to a 20 month long fight with AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia) . I know how all this cancer stuff works and where you can end up because I watched my brother on his journey from start to finish. 

I'm just finding it really hard to stay and be postive at the moment and I have no motivation to do anything. My freinds try and be supportive but they don't really understand what it's like to go through this. Also my family are there for me as much as they can be, but we are all still coming to terms with my brother's death so it's hard for them. 

Also whenever I try to reach out to somebody I just feel like I'm bothering them and being annoying, it's all so hard.

Finding it hard to be/stay positive

20 Apr 2019 21:26 in response to Beingme45

Use this forum for support. Every one on here has had a close encounter with this disgusting disease. 

We might not have your version of it but the thoughts and fears that the diagnosis and treatment bring up are similar for us all. 

Finding it hard to be/stay positive

20 Apr 2019 22:41 in response to Beingme45

I am so sorry that you have had such a horrible time. It is hard to be positive when the treatment is knocking you out. All I can say is hang in there. Every day treatments are improving. 

 

It is a terrifying ordeal but believe people do not feel 'bothered' by your request for help, support or a listening ear. In fact most people feel honoured that you trust them enough to confide in them. 

 

Wishing you all the very best 

love and best wishes 

Freda

Finding it hard to be/stay positive

21 Apr 2019 06:00 in response to Beingme45

Try to think of your future what you want to do (or what you are going to do) try to think positive I know it takes some doing.. We've all been there. Don't worry about what other people think most of us don't mind helping if someone needs a hand up now and again. If they don't want to help then there not very good friends. Good luck best wishes.

Billy 

Finding it hard to be/stay positive

21 Apr 2019 09:01 in response to Beingme45

Hi,

Who says you have to be or stay positive? You have a lot of **** going on in your life and you'd need to be a saint or an idiot  to be positive all the time!

Cancer is horrible, the treatments are horrible and on top of all that there's this constant pressure to be a hero or a cancer warrior - usually from people with no direct personal experience of having cancer. You're still grieving for your brother and you have seen cancer at its worst. That alone would be enough to drag anyone down, even without your own diagnosis and treatment to cope with.

Be as positive as you can be for your own sake, but please take some time out to have a good moan and whinge about how unfair life and cancer in particular is! This forum is a great place to do that as many of us have been, or still are, in the same lonely feeling situation. 

Good luck with your treatment.

Dave

 

 

Finding it hard to be/stay positive

21 Apr 2019 22:44 in response to Beingme45

Hi. You really have been and are going through it, how awful for you. You don’t need to feel positive all the time that’s impossible for all of us. I don’t know what the answer is to be honest. I have a lung operation on Thursday to remove a suspect lump and I’m bloody miserable about it. I’m so so sick of treatment and worry and the unknown and the what ifs. But then the misery just passes at times if I watch a good movie or spend time with people I love. It comes back but at least I have a break from time to time.  Perhaps that’s the best we can expect, some times of lightness when things go more to the back of our minds. Only people with cancer or close family/partners of those who have it can know just how awful and life consuming it is. But we just have to carry on, find solace in people or activities for a while and keep plodding on. I hope that you have some lighter days and that your treatment is successful as you know it can be.  

But always reach out to people when you are low, find out just how many people care about you and the beautiful side of human nature that we can experience as one of the blessings of this awful disease.   

Love Paul 

Finding it hard to be/stay positive

22 Apr 2019 19:41 in response to Beingme45

Hi BeingMe,

You've really had a rough time, and 4 months isn't a long time at all to adjust to what is happening, especially when part of that time has involved starting chemo, so please don't be hard on yourself.

As for bothering people... there's a small chance when you reach out to friends that they'll find it too much, but real friends will be there for you.  And this could just as easily be them in the years to come.

Do speak to your GP about how your feeling, and maybe look up places like your local Maggie's Centre for support too.  You will also still be coming to terms with your brother's death, your reaction is natural for that alone, never mind what you now face.

Also please use us on here for support, we'll do the best we can.

In the long run, there comes a day when you realise that all that's happening is what life you do have left is being taken from you by how awful you feel.  And with our lives being shortened we need to grab all the life we can.  You'll get there naturally and in your own time, but don't be afraid to ask for help too.

Best wishes, LJxx

Finding it hard to be/stay positive

23 Apr 2019 18:47 in response to TwinTwo

Thank you to everybody that has replied to my post, I really appreciate it. 

I went back to counselling today. I go as often as I can but probably not as often as I should because with everything going on, it's very hard for me to fit it in. I spoke about everything that has been on my mind and that has been clogging my brain up. 

I find it very hard to open up to people anyway and to let them know how I'm feeling but I'm getting better at it. 

Thank you again, you are all lovely Happy