Together we will beat cancer



9 Feb 2018 21:22

My 75 year old dad died yesterday at home. I was with him. He had a syringe drive pumping meds in including something to break down the mucus. In his final couple of hours he was dribbling what was called coffee granuals by nurse. We asked for Dr to come in and he uped one of the meds. Within minutes of him leaving the coffee granuals stuff gushed out of his mouth his tounge hung out and he was gone. I'm pleased it is over for him but i know the coffee granuals was blood and i can't get this image out of my head and its killing me. And unless you were there its hard to understand how arful it was. Has anyone else experienced this and how have you coped. I thought he would just pass in his sleep.


Re: Death

9 Feb 2018 23:58 in response to Jewles68

Hi there jewles. . So sorry you had such a sad last time with your dad ... my partners last wife had breast cancer and he did all the caring for her.. he gave up his job so he was there constantly ... she only wanted him to do everything ... she had a very painfull last day, that stayed with him and he couldn't move on ... 

He relived that day over and over and turned to drink, to block it temporarily out ... which caused more problems for him .. he felt isolated and going down hill fast ... I met him some 6 months later ... l had a book that helped me, written by Paul McKenna... how to mend a broken heart ... we talked and talked and Paul's book said when feelings overwhelm you have to close your eyes, think of the best memory you have and remember every word, every look and play it over and over till it stops the sad memory you had 

It took a time, but with practice it worked .. he still has a few tears over the years but he plays good memories in his head and he could deal with life again, learn to smile, and yet we always keep her close and still chat about her ... he just keeps her in his heart ...  life is tough, but it's just finding a way to cope ..

Big hug Chrissie x

Re: Death

11 Feb 2018 01:59 in response to Jewles68


Hi Jewles,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad and offer my sincere sympathy to you and your family.

I have lost both parents to cancer, also many other relatives and friends and I have now had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself. The end stage is always hard to deal with and many people find it difficult not to dwell upon the upsetting pictures of their loved ones latter days,

It is very early days for you yet, but you will find that, with the benefit of time, you start to recall happier memories and these disturbing images gradually fade

Just try to take things one day at a time for the moment, and, remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx