Hi there ... well your thread has brought back memories and a family long ago, a story of my grandad in the war ... we live in a town that took a lot of the doodlebugs sent over the water ... and every time the siren went off ... my grandad would go up to his allotment and work on it , till the threat stopped ..

When asked by his children , why ... he said if it was his time to go, he was nearer heaven ... and he never panicked. . Just said if his name was on it, it would find him anyway .... he lived till 1962 ...  ; )) x

Here's to you and hubby ... here's hoping he stays around a lot longer too ... Chrissie xx

Chriss...............for some it seems a definate mindset, I admire these people.  Thank you for your kind wishes, we shall know a little more on Friday 2nd when we receive latest biopsy results.

Everything is crossed for everyone waiting also!

All in my thoughts xx

Hi Scuppy

An interesting thought and am sure many will aspire to it.

   The mindset I have used during the past three years since my husband died (also from Mesothelioma after a three year journey and 37yrs of marriage - he was almost 63) has changed with time passing.  Grieving takes as long as it takes and is a very personal one. I think my hubby tried to distance himself from me in an endeavour to 'prepare me' for life alone (something that at the time I found hurtful and frustrating bless him!).

  My own Dad's attitude having survived the war (though losing his leg) was to live every day to the full because you were lucky to be alive. He died at 85 with prostate cancer having refused to have treatment.

Hope the results you are awaiting will mean you and your hubby have more precious days ahead of you.

Take care. Jules54 

Jules54...................so sorry for your loss. 

Watching my friend who is only 55 (I'm 57) and knowing how she is struggling, but getting through each day, is a real inspiration.  We knew each other as teens and hubby's and us have been lifelong friends.

Our situation has arose so soon after hers, I feel like I'm being utterly selfish with my own thoughts (at least mine is still here at the moment).

Your advice to live each day to the full, and feel lucky, seems very profound!  I shall do exactly that - Thank you.

Love xx

I have no belief in any higher power. I regard myself as enlightened. Not because I know all the answers but because I don't even feel the need to ask the questions.

I'm a man who lives in the moment. This is not through choice; I have no choice. Due to a combination of virtually no memory, long or short term, medication and mild cognitive impairment. I cannot ponder things.

While all this could be seen as a complaint, it certainly isn't. My situation is tremendously freeing. I don't suffer the agonies of waiting for results or fears of upcoming appointments or treatments. I can't hold a negative thought for more than a few seconds.

And I simply don't care about having cancer. I'm presently in remission but at some point I will relapse. I don't care. I think some people might be angered at that or feel insulted but it's just the way I happen to be.

I have three states - feeling good, feeling crap and feeling neutral. My life is all about how I feel at the moment and at this moment, I'm just on the crap side of neutral. Yesterday happened to consist of many moments of feeling just on the good side of neutral and many moments of feeling crap. And I only remember that because of the change today. I will probably have forgotten it completely within a few hours. As I will this post.

So I take my pleasure in the little things, in the minutae. The smile, the touch, a pleasant meal, a conversation. Normality. I'm not living every day as if it's my last by getting as much out of it as I can, I'm lazy, I'm just living.

While not offering it as advice, I think that talking about anything, death in this instance, takes away some of its sting, although it may be distressing when the subject's first broached.

But as in all things, it's only necessary to be sufficient to the moment.

Hi Scuppy,

I can see how this might bring comfort but I'm afraid I can't subscribe to such fatalism.

The decisions we make have a big impact on our lives. Something like 40% of cancers are avoidable. Taken to the extreme, this way of looking at things ends up with a society like India in the 19th Century where starvation and epidemics were accepted as being God's will and no-one did anything to prevent them. 

It is the same with Cancer. If I thought my Cancer was God's will and that I'd die when my time was up, I would never have bothered going through chemo and I would have died four years ago.

My Gran used to say that God helps those who help themselves. That's why we have cancer screening and prevention programmes and campaign against the tobacco industry to try to reduce the number of avoidable deaths. 

I hope you and your husband have many more happy years ahead of you :-)

Good luck and best wishes

Dave

Hi Scuppy

I'm with Dave on this one I dont believe we have a use by date but I sure wish we had a best before date.

Although having said that I dont have any real regrets in my life just the usual "if onlys" but its to late to worry about things you cant change.

I always try to say Yes, sometimes you have to say NO but YES has brought new experiences and friends.

The best thing you can do for your friend is be her friend.

River

I think my best before date was some time in the 1990s lol