Hi everyone. I’m not sure even where to start so here goes.
My dad: At Christmas my dad was diagnosed with stage four eaophegus cancer. He’s been quite good until recently but now showing signs of the disease and has started chemo so is feeling rough right now.
My mum: I’m incredibly close to my mum she is my best friend, she does stupid stuff sometime, she always jokes about her ending up loosing her marbles. I see mum almost every day as I only live in the next village.
Me: 40+ I’m married, don’t work due to my husband having a great job. I have 3 school age children who see their grandma and grandad often due to their school being so close.
All sounds great! My problem... my husband has been offered an opportunity that he really shouldn’t dismiss. He’s been offered a much better position in his company but on the Isle of Man. He has been offered it a few times in the past but I’ve always used the kids being too young to leave their grandma as my excuse to stay put. Now I have to seriously consider it!! It means me moving with the children ASAP. I’ve spoke to my parents about this move and they are totally behind us going. I’ve sat on their sofa and cried my eyes out saying I can’t do it, but the pair of them have said “do not let us stand in the way of u providing the best future for our grandchildren, you will be set for life if you go, you’re not half way around the world, nothing is going to change the outcome of dads desease.”
If we move our children get to attend private school, this is massive for me as they are all struggling at school, non of them are meeting the expected grade. I have one starting gcse year. One starting secondary. One starting junior. So it’s an ideal time educational wise for them, especially my eldest as moving mid year or delaying would defiantly hinder her exams. Tbh this doesn’t totally bother me because I know they will be what they want to be but as a parent, if I can do anything to help them I will. The school over there is an amazing opportunity and the way of life out there is so much less “cut throat” you step back in time, try to enjoy the natural things in life at a slower pace, where there is much less crime and the children are safe to play out. What more could a mum want for their kids!
But can I do it?? I feel so incredibly selfish. I would plan on returning twice a month (midweek whilst children are at school) staying with my parents until the inevitable has happened. Then my mum would come over to us for months at a time. tbh when my kids visit dad he’s too unwell n snaps or can’t stand them noisy or arguing.
Mum has friends and a network around her and although I know she would be so hurt if we go, she’s said that she equally has too much on her plate looking after dad to be worrying about me n the kids n knowing we’re ok is good enough for her.
My Aunt has said “there is never a good time to do anything if you think about things too much. There will always be a reason stoping you. We don’t know how long your dad has. If you delay, you’ll be using your eldest taking exams as the reason to stay. One thing we know is life is for living and taking opportunities when we can, we could die tomorrow” I kind of understand what she is saying to me!
I suffer with anxiety really bad, have done all my life, I’ve never been selfish or at least I try not to be. This move would be totally out of character for me, which is why I think my family have said to do it.
I dont know what I’m asking here but if anyone would like to chat or offer advice I’d be incredibly greatful!
ps I have one sister and one sister in law. My sister in-law is supportive of this. But my sister whom I’ve clashed with all my life is angry at me. She won’t talk to me and yesterday was shouting n screaming at me. She's much more selfish than me and I’m dam sure if she had the opportunity she would take it, she never communicates with me or mum n dad about the desissions in her life, altho she shouted in my face that she wouldn’t under no circumstances choose to leave right now. Its because I’d be leaving mum and dad, I think she’s worried that she will have to spend more time with our parents. Shes always made a point of keeping her distance just that little bit and blaming me for being mummys girl n making her the black sheep because I’ve chosen to stay close by my parents. She only lives about 7 miles from us yet we rarely see her because she’s always too busy. I was told I couldn’t talk to her in her home when I showed up uninvited yesterday, on a Sunday afternoon because she was too stressed, had been at work, was hungover and just got back from holiday (6 days ago!). She’s always the same. Everything by her rules in her time. Unfortunately this brings more hurt for my mum because she has tried and tried to get us to be sisters but at 40+ and 3 children each nothing has changed. (We are both a wealthy enough family and either of us struggle for money due to having husbands that work hard yet we sounds like a Jeramy Kyle show!!) I know money shouldn’t be something when we are talking about health and life, am I striving for money over my dads illness and my mums sanity?? Please note that the extra promotion money would be used totally to pay for the private school for our children so we wouldn’t be benefiting from it directly it will all go on them and their future. Is this wrong ?? I’m totally split with my kids future and my parents current situation. I know it’s all my head and my sister not being supportive is totally swaying me. I’m a mess!!!
Sorry it’s taken so long to write! Just needed an outlet xxx
