Together we will beat cancer

Donate

Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 02:17

Hi everyone

I was diagnosed with cancer six weeks ago after my first op when the surgeon had an accident with the diathermy and burned my nipple. I was not prepared this could happen and was only prepared fora few stitches and a scar!! It's took six weeks to heal and because they didn't get clear margins I have next op on Monday and am told that may not be the last!!

So I had a double whammy as they say. I have not only been catapulted into the world of cancer and trying to find my feet as well as no matter how positive I try to look at it - finally have had to acknowledge how I feel about the damage to my body while others dismiss it and want to shove it under the 'plastics hat' as if that should make it ok!!

So all this as well as a lot of pain having to deal with work issues relationship issues and life!! ( coz it doesn't stop coz uv got cancer!!)

this all seems to have come to a head this week and I've been quite down and need to prepare for worse to come next week!! I am not going to apologise for ranting or sounding like feeling sorry for myself or make up for it by telling you the positive!! No I'm going to let it out pure and simple!! (feel like I'm being really naughty now!!)

I would like to walk from my job they pay lip service to support- shout stop to positivity and shout I don't want cancer or ops or damaged breast and scream!!!! There I said it!!!!

Afaith

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 02:48 in response to Afaith

That feels better! Thanks cancerchat!!

Still bigger than cancer!!

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 06:44 in response to Afaith

Well done you! So much to face ahead of you so glad you can rant and rave. can I join you?  (those who may be following my posts (sorry hope they not getting on your nerves) know my husband has incurable lung membrane cancer). Yesterday was nearly a week following his 3rd chemo session and yet he is still having sickness bouts (few and far between but pretty yukky). Bless him he is managing to eat a little but yesterday was hard day emotionally. I got up this morning feeling exhausted,tearful and facing work with dread as because they are so supportive where I work I know I am going to lose it. Hubby yesterday just seemed deflated and I think he wishes he had not opted for this 'holding chemo' as he feels lousy. He broke down several times, cant talk about it now without doing so (but hates doing this - a man thing?). I am having to retrieve phone calls and the grapevine has been working so now we have long lost mates getting in touch (lovely but hard too). Our son popped in (his day off) and his Dad was ill, crying, embarrassed and it broke my heart to see them hugging and wondering (well I wont go there but you will know how it is). Bother this all sounds so feeble. I WILL FIND STRENGTH (wish you could  buy it over the counter!!).MUST STOP now as will dilute my coffee and think I need the caffeine to carry me through today and onwards.

Sorry Afaith when I read your post I meant to support  you and I do wholeheartedly wish you all the best for your continued treatment and recovery.YOU CAN DO IT. Best wishes Jules54

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 10:06 in response to Afaith

Hi Afaith - you are just right not apologising for ranting especially when a trained surgeon has an "accident".  We put our faith and lives in these peoples hands.

They are supposed to make us feel better and tell us everything is going to be OK.  Sometimes I wonder.

I don't know anything about breast cancer to be honest I just want to wish you good luck for your op on Monday.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said life still has to go on even when you have cancer. The bills etc still come in.  I hope your friends at work are giving you support.

I read you have been feeling down this week trying to prepare yourself for next week.  Why don't you go out and treat yourself you truly deserve it.

Let me know how you get on.

Mickied

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 10:17 in response to jules54

Hi Jules54 - don't ever think your posts are getting on anyone's nerves - everyone has their own story to tell and I always read up on your posts as my own father-in-law has lung mets and is on chemo at present.  He finished his first cyle this week.  I read you are having a bad day with exhaustion and having to hold down a job too put on a smily face and get on with things.

Did you say you get support at work.  It will help if you do especially if you feel cannot cope somedays.

I think you are a very strong brave person who would face anything.

I am sure Afaith will understand that you are going through all the motions of cancer too as a carer which can sometimes feel worse as you sit back and watch feeling there is nothing you can do to prevent this awful disease.

Hope you feel better soon.

Mickied

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 10:30 in response to Afaith

Hi Afaith,

Sorry to hear you are feeling low at the moment although I can well understand why. Not having support at work and the fact that one of your bosses is a bully cant be helping you at all.  Plus promblems with your last op. But this is a great place to get rid of the stress and anger you have for as you have already found, people on here understand the turmoil of emotions that the word CANCER bring to so many good people. You have no need to feel really naughty by telling us how you feel, that's why this site is so good that you can tell it like it is, warts and all. And yet despite only recently joining this site, you have already responded by replying to others and helping them through difficult times.

I hope all goes well next week. Please keep us updated on how you get on, as people on this site care for people like yourself even though they may never meet.

Best wishes, kind regards Brian

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 12:57 in response to jules54

Thanks jules!!

Of course you can join me!!!and anyone else who just wants to get it out just for a minute not hav to hold it all together all the time!! After I posted yesterday I felt better and I fully recommend it- I feel like now I've let it out I have a bit more strength whish like you I could buy it over the counter. Of course we need to be strong and positive but it is how it is when it is!! (hope I'm making sense now). Some times though I think you just hav to let out the strength or stress first and then pick up again!

I think your a great person jules and you did support me very much by posting and letting me know im not alone!! I watched my father die of lung cancer and he couldn't talk or share any emotions and died within a couple of months at age 47. As heartbreaking as it mustv been to see them together crying and hugging I think at least they shared!! It is heartbreaking and so very hard. Glad u got support at work and on here and you can rant with me anytime you like!!

Lots a love xx

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 13:11 in response to mickied

Thanks mickied!!

Yes life just keeps coming too!! My gp signed me off for two months and told me to forget work and try to do nice things so I've told this manager that and that I'm not up for calls but hope that helps him to plan!! I realised yesterday I'm angry with a few things. Friends at work yes but it's the kind of place ( social services) no one gets time for anytthing!! Pressure pressure!! It's not just me it's that kind of place!!

Anyway mickied as for the surgeon I don't know I tried to think he's only human and am told it was a one off!! Life eh!! Thanku so much for your supper and Permission to be me and how I am at the moment it's so important to receive support!!

Oh and I might just take ur suggestion to treat myself and eat a big cream cake aswell!!

Thanks!! Ann

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 13:23 in response to woodworm

Your so great Brian!!

How wonderful not to be judged and feel supported instead thanyou! We judge ourrselves enuf don't we? That's what I was really trying to let myself do just be warts and all. Not judge myself or apologise - I find it so hard and I can see others do too by what they post sometimes!! Beating themselves up for feeling low or angry - feeling ungrateful or rotten or 'negative' because they're hurting!! Why do we put this pressure on ourselves? Where does that come from?

Well thankgod for this site as you say Brian and for lovely kind wise people like yourself!!

Big hug x Ann

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 16:57 in response to mickied

Thanks Mickied,  Inside we know its okay to lose it sometimes but it is wonderful to have people here agree with you. I walked to the station glad I had off-loaded but my workmates took one look at me and ushered me off for a hug and I let all my emotion take over for 10 minutes, then brushed myself down and got on with my job. Amazing you just have to keep bouncing back because you have no choice. Got home and my daughter and grandson had been keeping hubby company  and then my son in law came in with pasties for dinner. They are a blessing and we are so lucky to have them just around the corner. Thanks for listening. Hope you  had a good day today. Jules

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 17:07 in response to Afaith

Thanks Afaith, dont not what I would do without this site and people like you who respond so kindly. Like you felt better when I had written my rant, then went into work and was given huge hug and just let the tears flow for around 10mins. Got it all out there and then dusted down and got on with my day, serving customers. Just think every now and then we all need of off-load otherwise there would be a lot of days off through emotional stress. Take care of yourself and thanks again Jules

Re: Coping with the big C

14 Nov 2012 22:10 in response to jules54

Feel the same it's mutual jules!!

I did the same, had a cream cake bought a bag talked to a couple of workmates made a nice dinner. Feeling human again now - sometimes it's like melt down moments- bottle neck someone called it the other day!! Good cry always releases stress- god didn't give us tearducts for nothing !! Like you say then you find the strength to go on!! By the way I forgot to add to last post that we may not be able to buy strength over the counter but we can get it for free by praying, being human and screaming or crying or talking hugging and being supported and inspired!! By people like yourselves here on cancerchat!!

Saw on another post ur hubby had nose bleed hope everythings ok Hun x

Re: Coping with the big C

15 Nov 2012 07:04 in response to Afaith

Hi Afaith

Up early again, me this time - hot flushes!! Hubby awoke to a nosebleed yesterday so just posted to get some feedback. He rang his Macmillan support nurse first thing (answering machine) - no response as yet. He really has been low since his chemo last week and is still struggling to eat but we have him drinking pints of milk which dietician approved of! I am hoping he will feel a bit better today, fingers crossed. Dont expect miracles but a small uplift would be nice. He has some old workmates popping in later so hope they can take his mind of things for a while. Cancer seems to rob you of ordinary conversation as everything revolves around pills, doctors appointments and mini worries. Thing with hubbby is his main purpose in life was his work and with that gone he is like a lost boy without a toy. Well I have to get my breakfast so will wish you a good day today. Thanks for coming back to me once again. Jules

Re: Coping with the big C

15 Nov 2012 07:52 in response to jules54

Hi Jules,

Just something to give you ladies a laugh. As part of my treatment for prostate cancer, I had two years on hormone therapy and one of the side effect I have had is, wait for it, HOT FLUSHES, which has provide my dear wife with hours of merriment over the last two years. Even though the treatment was finished about twelve weeks ago, the hot flushes still keep coming and my wife is still telling me, "Now you know what we women have to put up with".  She shows me no sympathy at all???    And I dont expect I'll get any on here either.

When I first started having them, I thought they would help keep me warn in the winter. But I was so wrong as I never seem to get them when i'm cold!!!!!!

So I do know what you ladies have to suffer now and I do sympathize with you. Hope you have a good day Jules and your husband is able to eat more food.

Please take care, kind regards Brian

Message was edited by: woodworm

Re: Coping with the big C

15 Nov 2012 11:13 in response to jules54

Hi Jules - me and a friend have this saying in work You may be down but you just dust yourself down and get on with it as you say Jules we have no other choice.

The bills still arrive no matter what is happening in a person's life.  It's nice when someone walks in with something unexpected it means a lot sometimes.

I brought my father-in-law a cream bun last night after he had been to the hospital.  They told him everything is still the same but they cannot increase his chemo tablets.

He has to stay on the same ones and they gave him stronger painkillers.  He has to go back in 3 weeks time again.

Anytime you need to rant about something Jules I am always here.

You too have a good day and I hope your husband is keeping OK

Mickied