Hi, I’m not really sure how to start this... I’m 24, my dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in August 2016, and it’s safe to say I have really struggled with everything since that point. He had chemo until Dec 2016 and had his stem cell transplant in Feb 2017. The chemo has had such a harsh affect on his body that he is not very mobile anymore and can’t do a lot by himself.
He is just not the dad I knew before and sometimes on a bad day that really upsets me. I work full time but take as much time off as I can to help, and I spend my evenings and weekends with him. I don’t have a lot of help and sometimes I find it hard to look after myself and also do everything else.
I find it hard talking to my friends because I constantly feel like a broken record when I talk about my feelings and there isn’t much they can say so I guess they feel a little helpless. I feel very isolated as I’m always so stressed and upset about what’s happening. I feel like at some point it should get easier but all of a sudden I’ve blinked, it has been a year and I just feel like my state of mind hasn’t improved. I do my best to stay positive and happy when I’m with my dad because he needs me to be strong, but when I’m on my own that’s when I get upset. I think it’s because it’s all bottled up.
My dad has a lot of therapy to help him walk and to harden his bones, but recently the symptoms have been returning and he has been in and out of hospital a lot which could mean a possible relapse. I feel like I’m back at square one and it’s been over a year since the diagnosis.
I think I’m making myself sick worrying about my dad being sick, I spend all my spare time worrying about it, even if my dad says I don’t need to go down his house to do anything I will worry myself so much that I’ll end up going down there anyway. I don’t live with him and I hate the thought of him being alone, and I find it hard to leave him. I haven’t left his side since he was diagnosed and now I think that’s why I’m finding it really difficult to maybe start doing things for myself.
I’ve spoken to doctors and all they wanted to do was sign me off work which I couldn’t do, I didn’t think it would help.. maybe I’m ignoring advice?
I don’t know anyone personally who would understand the situation and I feel a little bit lost.. hence why I am here. ️
Thank you for taking the time to read this! (Sorry it’s very long)