Hi there ... it’s such a heart rending time ... and no wonder your emotions are all over the place ... l can so relate to your husband ... before my cancer op , I had so much I needed to do and I wrote my letters to those closest to me .. my sons ... my nieces who are like daughters to me .. my grandchildren because I wanted (needed) them to know how much they meant to me .. even my funeral ... to the last detail ... it may sound morbid but once I’d done it , I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.. we were gentaly honest about how scared we were .. we cryed , hugged and after that we even found things to smile at ..saying that I’m 10 weeks post op and I’m still standing ... so all those letters are put away safe until needed ... be it long or short ... so if you can find the strength to hold his hand and walk this journey with him ... together... all those feelings your feeling are normal.. nearly all of us have had to go through them .. that’s why the word “rollercoaster “ is so often used .. highs and lows ...

he sounds like me in so many ways ... live for the day and pack as many memories you can ... coz this cancer wants to push us into the ground and make every day as hurtful as it can ... it has no empathy, no mercy... so every day you make a good memory, your kicking cancer down the road .. 

my daughter in law gave us a talking to ... she said o.k you’ve got cancer ... we’ll deal with it .. no more “what ifs” and tackle every thing as it comes up ... and we’ll do it together... best talk I’ve ever had .. it snapped me out of it , and now look at it differently... and now we cope ... face the future together.. whatever it be ... while still having a few tears along the way ...

so sending you both a big hug ... Chrisie xx ️

Hi Christie,

Just to add an update, we are now 12 sessions in - of double chemo (gemcitabine and Cisplatin)and have just had our 3rd monitoring MRI. Cannot believe that, after 11/44 lymph nodules involved, and a secondary that was discovered from a chest CT (in the liver) and then further multiple secondaries found in the liver, we’ve just been told that ALL the tumours have shrunk to the extent of being almost ‘invisible’. Long term prognosis is being pushed back past the original 12 months ‘worst case’ we were given. I think I’m in shock, I can’t believe this is happening! We went out to celebrate last night with a big group of friends and it’s starting to feel a bit more real now. At least we have more time than we thought - and he’s feeling really well and can enjoy it.

How are things with you? Hope you’re OK,

Karen x

Briliant news Karen. We like good news stories here. When dealing with prognoses it's all about statistics and probabilities. The dice have rolled in your husband's favour. And about time too! Best wishes. Harry

Thank you Harry, really appreciate this Today is definitely a good day! 

All the best,

Karen

Hay hi 5 to you guys ... what fantastic news ... and yes it's true we can't save others going through this ... but by god we can hold each other's hands on ups and downs , and at least people who feel so lost and not sure where to go , can chat to others on here to know they are not alone ...

We all have different opinions ... but this chat room has got me through 8 months of cancer diagnosis .. and l for one appreciate everyone who posts posititive on here and those like you, brave lady who just wants some one to listen and support ... so here's to you ... thank you so much for letting us know ... always here if you wanna chat ... Chrissie         

I’m sorry to read this - you must be really hurting right now but I’m afraid I can’t accept what you say. I believe there is an enormous amount we can do for our loved ones who are fighting this awful disease - and it’s my husband I’m supporting, not a parent, in case you are confused. Of course there is a vast support network of nurses, doctors, oncologists etc with all their medical knowledge, some amazing techniques, drugs and pain/nausea relief available but that is just the medical side. There are also fantastic support centres and teams of people e.g. Sue  Ryder and the Maggie’s centre in Oxford that have helped us through. For ourselves, we can offer our deep love and receive the warmth and support that comes from the wealth of caring that derives from the family and friends who travel through this journey with us.  For me and for my husband that has come from our sons who have visited him in hospital, held him when he was in pain, talked to him and helped him through his blackest days and expressed their love for him in ways that have been awesome to see. They’ve also played golf with him when he’s been able to (last weekend actually!) and taken him indoor skydiving because that’s what he wants to do. Our neighbours who have walked the dog every single day for us, who have cooked meals, baked cakes, been taxi drivers and shoulders to cry on, offered their arms to give hugs through this whole process. No, I don’t accept there’s NOTHING we can do. 

Also, my husband was diagnosed with metastatic liver tumours over 6 months ago now and we’ve just been told he has been moved into a different prognosis group and has longer to live than was previously thought. So your statement that anyone with cancer that has spread has potentially weeks to live is, quite clearly, plain WRONG. We continue to be positive about the future and the time we have left together and will do everything we can, alongside the excellent medical care that he gets, to ensure that his  time is as beautiful and filled with love and new experiences as it is possible to make his life. 

I reiterate, I feel your pain, as I feel for everyone going through this nightmare but please, think carefully about what you post on here. The repercussions for people who are feeling vulnerable, have had bad news or are just about coping but maybe having a bad day, can be very harsh and hurtful.

Hi Christie,

Thank you. It’s lovely to be supported and to be able to share good news. Hope you are well at the moment and long may it continue xx

Hi Rosie... so sorry you had to read that horrible post ... she did it on everyone's .... but they took all those posts off ... that's the thing , it's for everyone to chat , and occasionally those sort of replys slip through .. thankfully they picked it up as soon as they possible ... so chin up ... it was all rubbish ... don't let that worry you ... just strait over your head ... big hug Chrissie

Thanks Christie, it was a bit of a shock when I first read it but I realised she must be in a fairly dark place to be so negative and to come out with such rubbish. What we’ve learned for sure, is that all cancers are different and so are the people involved - there’s definitely no single answer and no set scenarios, just as we’ve recently discovered, things can and do change constantly. Really appreciate your support, thank you xx

Sorry I keep calling you Christie!! Blasted autocorrect! Thank you CHRISSIE