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Can’t live without my Mum

9 Dec 2018 00:51 in response to Annieliz

Thanks Anne, I asked him twice and he wouldn’t give me them and he’s the nicest one in the surgery. I’m now back in LA so may go to a therapist here and try and get some from them. I’m truly afraid of what I might do otherwise. I think about driving my car off a cliff, or taking loads of pills but scared in case it doesn’t work and makes things even worse. I think I have complicated grief that never goes away. I have friends and other family but I feel so alone. Also my uncle now has terminal stomach cancer so we have that to deal with and as selfish as it sounds it’s taking the focus off of my Mum who they were in denial about so didn’t rally round as much as they are for him. It’s like she was the test case and it makes me angry. Thank you for taking the time to listen xxx

Can’t live without my Mum

9 Dec 2018 10:13 in response to MW101010

Hello MW101010,

Anne has given you excellent advice and I agree now you are back in LA it may be a good idea to go and see a therapist as soon as you can as it sounds like you really need help. You've done the right thing also in joining the forum and you will meet others here who have also lost a loved one to cancer and I hope you will draw strength from one another during this difficult time.

As you will see reading our page on Coping with Grief, grief is a very complex process and everyone grieves differently so it is important you seek the support you need at the moment and chase those dark thoughts. I am so sorry to hear about your uncle having terminal stomach cancer too. I hope you have some good friends around and family and that you are not alone. Don't forget also that there are helplines available whenever you feel really down and they are only a phone call away. It can really help sometimes to talk to someone. Samaritans USA is a good example and you can find their  contact details here do give them a call when it all gets too much. There is also this website which also has a contact number you can ring if you are experiencing emotional distress.

We are all here for you so keep strong. I am sure you will make lots of forum friends here who will help you get through this difficult time.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Can’t live without my Mum

1 Feb 2019 19:58 in response to Moderator Lucie

It’s been 3 1/2 months now and I feel I’m getting worse. Have been trying to keep busy with work and seeing friends but I’m just going through the motions. I don’t want to do anything that my Mum loved or would have enjoyed as she can’t do it. Everything reminds me of her and I email her all the time telling her I just want to join her. I wish I could just die in my sleep. Nothing is worth living for. 

Can’t live without my Mum

1 Feb 2019 21:09 in response to MW101010

I came onto the forum today, it helps me on the 'god-awful' days when I still can't accept that my mum is gone, when I would do anything just to see her one more time, tell her how much I love her and that seeing dad, how much he misses her, breaks me.

I understand when you say you feel you're getting worse, it's the longest time we've been without our mum's, it's just not right or fair. I 'talk' to mum everyday and ask her to help me cope.

Seeing a counsellor to help me get to a stage of acceptance, had 2 sessions, not sure if it's helping but she listens when I speak about mum, I think other people think I should have 'moved on'.

My mum gave me a precious gift, life....it is the hardest time to live without her but she loved me unconditionally and I know she would understand my sadness but she wouldn't want me to carry it with me forever.

I'm sure you're mum would want you to find happiness again, enjoy life as you have done before....it is very hard and I am so sorry that you're going through this horrible journey. A day at a time is sometimes all we can do, but that's ok, we're all individual, as is our grief.

Lucie gave some good links, I hope you will able to find help and people on this forum will always understand and try and help. I liked this verse:-

The river of grief is deep and wide

But happiness awaits you on the other side

And the love of those around you, will take you there.

 

 

 

Can’t live without my Mum

1 Feb 2019 21:23 in response to MW101010

Hello

I came across your post and I feel for you. I am actually concerned to read how distraught you feel. As a mother myself, I would say think about what your mother wanted for you. She would not have wanted you to die or to be so stricken with grief. You need to live your life not just for yourself but for your mother for you are her legacy in this world. Please seek counselling support, also look for bereavement support groups in your area and consider changes to life and career that would help you cope with such a big loss.

Can’t live without my Mum

2 Feb 2019 06:27 in response to Sahla

Thank you for replying. It helps to know people care. I have had counseling but it hasn’t helped. I don’t know what to do anymore. 

Can’t live without my Mum

2 Feb 2019 06:29 in response to Linda63

I’m really trying to be ok but I just feel like nothing matters anymore. We had a very strong bond, even had the same birthday. Everything I did was for her. I can’t believe she left me

Can’t live without my Mum

2 Feb 2019 08:22 in response to MW101010

I am so sad to read your message

My mother is in the last stages of her life and I came on this site to seek support 

When I read your message, it brought a massive reality to what is about to happen to me

My mother is at end of life and yesterday she took a sudden downfall in her ability, I spent the day with her and the reailty that she will soon be gone is immense and overwhelming

I lost my father eight years ago and remember feeling completely numb for a long time afterwards. I had my mother to look after and she also gave me support whilst dealing with her own grief. This time however, there will be noone to cuddle me and tell me that it will be alright. At that time I lost my father, someone gave me a sense of belief and it did turn out to be really helpful and I shall use it again during these times ahead and moving forward from a wonderful bond which has been 'spoiled through death'
You have lost your mother, who has been part of your life from the moment you took your first breath ! It is understandable that you don't feel you have any future; food does not appear to taste the same, you probably feel that nothing will ever make you laugh again, skies seem dark and the sun will never shine for you. One day you will eat a meal and afterwards think - I can taste the ingredients in that food, you will watch television or see somthing funny and laugh (and probably cry after you have realised that you have laughed !) and you will look up at the sky and think what a lovely day ?! you will be sitting looking out from a window and the sun will almost blind you and the warmth will return to your cheeks

You have a long journey ahead without your mother and mine is coming very soon, and I so wish that I could stop this inevitability, I am also frightened because I know that I shall also feel the same way you are feeling right now - especially after a funeral when good intensions from  people, who promise continued support but in fairness have their own lives and leave you alone with your own feelings 

I feel certain that your taste for life, for sustenance, for blue sunny skies and stepping foward in the memory of your mother, will slowly give you back a life, without your loved one but with cherished memories and the ability to continue; with great memories and the confidence that the life your mother gave you is very much worth living x 

This is the view from my window as I write this message to you - stay strong x

Can’t live without my Mum

2 Feb 2019 16:12 in response to getmb

I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum. I was in denial even when she was at that stage and it  was actually sudden, the doctors knew it was going to happen soon but even they didn’t expect it the day it happened. What’s worse is an hour before she kept repeating to me ‘let me go’ and didn’t say she loved me although I know she did and still does. I lost my Dad 8 years ago too but we weren’t close so it didn’t affect me like this has. It was always just me and my Mum and I feel lost and broken. I wish I could give you more support because I really feel for you for what you are about to go through. I’m crying so much right now as I write this. Spend as much time as you can with her. Xo

Can’t live without my Mum

2 Feb 2019 17:05 in response to MW101010

Hello.  I lost My Mum just over 8 weeks ago and i can relate to several of your circumstances and feelings. The loss of our Mothers is like nothing else; it is so exructiatingly painful.  As you say, people say that our Mothers' wouldn't want us to be unhappy; they would want us to get some pleasure and enjoyment out of life. I know this is true; my Mum would so want that. But, as you know, it is not that easy.

I, like you, do not have a partner or children but I have some friends and family who are very supportive. It is the time on my own which is especially difficult.

I am waiting to get some counselling and I am putting quite a lot of hope in this. I see it had not helped you. Do you feel there is any particular reason why?

 

Can’t live without my Mum

2 Feb 2019 17:34 in response to brewis1gard

I’m so sorry for your loss. It is the time we’re on our own that is the worst and even though I live in LA and my Mum lived in London we spent a lot of time together and spoke 3 times a day on the phone. I never felt alone like I do now. I do have good friends and some family but it’s not the same as having someone who loves you unconditionally and always has your back. Counseling didn’t help me as they just listened to me talking and didn’t offer any ways to cope with my feelings. I talk to friends anyway so it made me resentful paying them to just listen. I think I may go to a psychiatrist or a support group or both as I’m truly fearful that in a really down time I may take my own life. 

I hope counseling helps you, I really do. People on here help more though in my opinion.

Can’t live without my Mum

2 Feb 2019 17:59 in response to MW101010

Thank you for responding.  I thought I had felt alone and lonely in the past but this is on a completely higher level.  Me and My Mum were extremely close. There were only a handful of days when we didn't see each other - the last one over 6 years ago.  What you say about friends and other family members is so true - no one cares for you like your Mother. She is there for  you 100% of the time. 

here in the Uk there are some bereavement counselling services available fror free and they do have some good reviews. One is provided by our NHS and they are due to ring me next week.

Sorry your couselling wasn't helpful but maybe a psychiatrist and support groups will be - worth a try.  But please don't harm yourself.

Be good to keep in touch and see how we are getting on.

Can’t live without my Mum

2 Feb 2019 21:47 in response to brewis1gard

I’m from the UK and will be back soon. The hospital gave me some counseling after but that wasn’t helpful either she was more concerned that I wasn’t going to kill myself whilst I was seeing her and just kept saying ‘that must have been hard’ to everything I said. I’m truly sorry for your loss and would like to keep in touch. My name is Melissa, what’s yours? 

Can’t live without my Mum

2 Feb 2019 21:55 in response to MW101010

Thank you Melissa.  I am sincerely sorry for your loss also.  Pleased you would like to  keep  in touch.  My name is Lewis. Speak soon.

Can’t live without my Mum

3 Feb 2019 01:53 in response to brewis1gard

Thanks Lewis. Definitely keep in touch and let me know how you’re doing.