Welcome to Cancer Chat, maythelight, although I'm sorry to hear about the reason that brings you here.

It takes courage to admit that one needs help and I'm glad you were brave enough to take that step. 

Until you hear from our members here I thought I may send you the link to the Samaritans, they are great if you need someone to chat on the phone with and you can reach them 24hrs/7 days a week on this number: 116 123.

Stay strong, maythelight and remember that we are here for you whenever you need a chat.

Best wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

I am sorry you are feeling so low and are judging yourself so harshly  I totally understand your wish to try to make some peace wth yourself and the world and feel you may be judging yourself too harshly.  I know I have said and done things which were not nice over the years where I wish I had acted differently.  Sometimes it is impossible to remedy these things for one reason or another and you can only accept that you are human and thus not perfect.  Be honest with yourself and if you have noone with whom you can talk then the Samaritans as suggested by Renata are helpful or you could ring MacMillan who are experienced at talking to people who are dying from cancer and will understand where you are coming from. Their Freefone number is 0808 808 0000.  You can of course continue to post here as well.  My good wishes to you.

Thank you Renata. Your kind words and advice are so generous. I wish you very well. Will seek for help. Love 

Thank you so much. I’m very touched by your words snd support. I will call the nurses. I wish you the very best. Love 

Hi Maythelight. This is the first time I have posted on any cancer site. I hear your honesty and your words resonated with me. I too have experienced the shock and fear. I have made arrangements to put my house in order. I'm not a religious person and in a way I wish I was it would have given me something to hold onto. Fear and shock had a grasp on my abdomen.  my stomach churns each time the realization that this was about me. Like holding onto a cliff by my fingernails.  I have found meditation helps me to calm my mind. For me it stops the worry circles and frantic panic and disbelief. I do not have a close partner to share my fear but thank God I did find a wonderful counselor at our local Hospice. I also find that stress shock self-pity brought me to despair. I have also forgiven myself as I now understand I did the best I could at various stages of my life with what knowledge I had at that time. I was not  as aware then as I am now. Meanwhile I wanted to get death out of the way so I could get on with living.. what time I was granted. I heard what the doctors told me however  I choose not to believe them.  I have decided  to be happy regardless.  My buddy is AM (Archangel Michael) I will ask Him to help you find peace within yourself. My words are the only way I know to offer you comfort. Much love and tight hugs.

So sorry to read your post, I hope that you have found some help.Take each day at a time, focus on positive things, don't get bogged down with regrets, reach out to friends and family,they will understand. If you can get a Mcmillan nurse/hospice referral, these a good people, My husband has terminal cancer, and is an outpatient at the hospice,they have been wonderful.

Hugs and best wishes xx

What a lovely supportive post, hopr that your jouney lightens and you remain so positive. xxx