Hey [@Kirsty28]‍ 

I am so sorry to hear about what both you and your mum are going through. I wanted to reply because your mum's symptoms sound very much like my mum's were. I understand how difficult it is to process and deal with, and I'm thinking of you.

What happened with my mum was they finished her course of radiation, and she was then discharged to home with all the hospital equipment. My mum's cancer had also spread to her spine and she was bed bound too. Do you think you can ask the hospital as your mum is nearing her end of treatment what the plan is, as I'm sure if your mum is anything like mine she just wanted to be comfortable at home. Ask as many questions as you want/need and don't feel like you can't pester until you feel satisfied you understand what they are planning for your mum long term. 

I'm 33, not quite as young as you but my brother is 27. I understand whatbyoure going through, and if you want to ask me anything, just let me know. I'll try and help from my experience (although everyone's even with the same diagnosis can be so different).

Sending you heaps and heaps of love and strength for both you and your mum. Take care of yourself XXX

[@Newlife101]‍ 

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It's good to know I'm not alone. It sounds very similar! As far as I know she will eventually get home with a hospital bed etc. The hardest part for me right now is I haven't seen her in the months she's been in hospital because of covid restrictions and I don't hear anything from the drs directly. Obviously my dad tells me but he is upset and forgets things or doesn't tell me as bluntly as he should because he wants to protect me.

We have a meeting with a McMillan nurse this week and I have asked to be on it so hopefully we will get a better idea of what's happening. It's just awful that we don't know how long she has whether it is years or months. Hopefully a CT after the end of radiotherapy will give a better idea, were you given that?

Thank you for your support x

I know it feels like you are alone, but you're honestly not x

I think that's the really difficult part with being diagnosed at the moment as you don't have access to see the doctors face to face so sometimes you just feel like you don't know what is going on, which is probably what is making you feel more anxious. Has your dad been able to get updatea from the oncologist regularly? But my dad was the same, he was so upset he missed half of the things out (as well as definately wanting to protect you from feeling anymore hurt).

When my mum was taken into hospital which was mid Jan this year this was the first we knew she had advanced stage 4 lung cancer, and had been in pain for quite sometime (in and out of the gp, well telephone appointments for so much of last year) so although they did a follow up scan for her, my dad was told it was only for palliative, we knew she couldn't be cured. 

They will do a follow up scan for your mum, then that's when you will sit down with the oncologist to discuss the treatment plan for her. The radiotherapy for my mum's spine reduced the tumours though, so keeping everything crossed it will be successful for your mum. XXX

The last update he got was really at the start of her radiotherapy, don't think they'll say more until the end of treatment scan which should be the end of this week. I hope it does help the pain of the tumour on the spine.

I didn't realise it was incurable and only palatative care until yesterday when I read the McMillan book then checked with my dad. It's hit me hard but you just have to work through it I guess. Just looking forward to having her home xx

I think just take it hour by hour at the moment, not sure if its possible for you, but letting your work know so you can have a bit of breathing space to process everything will help? It can feel very overwhelming. You're being super brave, and all I can say is you have support here whenever you need. 

Do you have brothers and sisters you can talk to and share how you are feeling with too? Keeping my fingers crossed in a couple of days your mum will be home with you.

xxx

I'm a teacher so luckily off on Easter holidays for another week yet, which has been good. But I will speak to my boss about it. I'm an only child but I'm really close to my mum and dad and I have my husband too. Thank you, I hope so too! Xx

Hey [@Kirsty28]‍ 

Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing? And your mum. Sending lots of love xxx

[@Newlife101]‍ aw thanks for checking in!

Doing okay. The hospital has applied for a place at the local hospice for my mum while they get the house ready for her coming home. I go back to work tomorrow and the visiting is during work hours but my boss has been reallY good about it and is going to sort something out for me. It's just a shame it's only 2 visitors and there's my dad,

me and my gran so it means someone won't get to go. Hopefully with lockdown easing it might change. Hope you're doing okay too xx