Ill be dead in 4 months
I have been a horrible person my whole life
I am convinced ill wake up in hell
Is anyone in my situation?
Hi Jane.w and welcome to the forum.
I'm really sorry to read of your situation, which I presume is due to a terminal illness.
Hell is a human construct, not a divine one. A way that allowed the early church to build up its power on earth: tell everyone you're damned unless you follow our path and join our church. It's really a massive con job - a type of existential blackmail.
If you look at the idea seriously, it's impossible to reconcile the notion of a loving god with the idea that he keeps a personal torture chamber. What would be the point? No just god is going to condemn a person to eternal, infinite punishment for finite crimes.
It's obviously a completely made up notion; a scare tactic to stop common people from questioning the church's power on earth. Don't give it any credence.
Thank you for your replies
I just think if i didnt know when i am dying and i died sudenly id hope id go to heaven
The fact that im in this situation and the fact that i have been a horrible person i feel its my punishment and it will continue in the next life
Keep the replies coming. I need them
I was relentless. Nevermind the kind of person i was before my illness. In my illness for the past 5 years i have verbally attacked my family out of jeoulosy they are well. Seriously what kind of ******* i am
I want them to be well now but after i did so much damage to them while they were teying to help me when noone else would have me around
I evem took it out on my 5yo daughter and now she will be without a mum or dad. Her dad is an ******* that never keeps touch
Hello dear Jane. Forget hell - you are not going to any such place. Anyway, who needs hell when we can suffer so much on earth. Few of us have totally free choice how we live our lives; things happen, marriages go bad, people die and we can end up with a life we never wanted. For your own peace of mind can you now make your peace with your family? It might put your mind at rest and heal some rifts. Certainly worth a try? I don't of course know your current relationship with them but this is one thing that you can try to do. Also please talk to us here if you are feeling very low. Tell us a bit about yourself. Annie xx
Thank you Annieliz
The trouble i cant face them anynore. I have apologised but so what
I called my elderly perfectly nice mother a *****. How uncalled for. I have caused so many arguments very heated as well
All because of what i was going through because of my evil ex and the illness
While my family where there supporting me and me being an absolute monster to handle
How about writing them a letter, either to all of them or to each of them separately. Just telling them how much you regret the past and know you were out of order. I don't like to think of you going through all of this anguish at this time. Either your family will reply the letters or they won't but at least you will know that you tried to the best of your ability. Your coming to talk to us shows how much you want to resolve this and this seems the best way to start. Annie xx
Hi there Jane ... well my hunny, you have 4 months, give or take as time limits have been wrong before ... cancer makes different people do different things ... and brings out those feelings in many ways .. you still have time to put right what you can ... you can stay where you are and leave with regrets and deep sadness ... or you can do your damdest to change things ... do whatever it takes .. make piece with them, like annieliz said ... write them a letter , tell them how cancer got into your head and the things your husband made you feel ...
You said ... my daughter is missing me .... write her a little memorie book ... any pictures you have ... how you felt when you held her for the first time ... any loving memory you can think of ... so in the years to come she can look at it and know you loved her ... fight like you've never fought before... if you can turn this around you just may have memory of hugs and love if you really want it ... no mater what you called your mum, you can make up for it .. my son's could do anything and I'd forgive them ... the love for your baby is the most powerfull one on earth ... saying " I'm so so sorry... and l really do love you" just may melt any heart ... you go for it ... and even if you do this and fail ... then you'll know you tried ... write your baby her book and leave it with someone to give it to her later ... but if you don't give up , and they see you have changed , I'll bet my last doller it will do something ...
Even if you listen to how much they hurt, and say you can't change the past .. but we can the future ... . Sending you positive vibes ... then your place up there will be waiting ... Chrissie ❤
I think Chriss has an excellent idea. It's not too late to build bridges to your family.
In addition to the memory book, you could also make 13 envelopes to be opened on each birthday until she's 18, each containing a card and a present. Perhaps, a charm bracelet, with a new charm added each year?
Hello Jane. How are you feeling today? Can we help you at all? Have you given any thought to the suggestions made by myself and others here? I don't want to sound pushy but I think you may feel better once you start to take steps to heal things with your daughter and other family.
Hi Jane, I see this thread's about opinions, so here's mine.
There is no 'Hell', except the one you've created for yourself. You're already in torment. This means of course, that there's no Heaven either. When you die you become . . . stardust. You came from stardust, via the organised chemistry that is life, and you'll return to stardust until you become parts of something or somebody else.
See your doctor. Just as he'll prescribe meds to stop you being in physical pain, so he can prescribe meds to stop you being in such mental pain. Anti-depressants. Within the couple of weeks that they take to take effect, you'll no longer be able to hold a negative thought for more than a few seconds.
Your quality of life is what matters now, so do the things that will make it quality for you. Be the person you'd like to be, regardless of the past. That's gone, it doesn't matter. Find some peace. Let others take care of their own peace.