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12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

7 Jun 2017 01:07 in response to NAB

You look well,is a killer,I get this every day,it makes me want to apply white powder to my face,and coal dust under my eyes,(only joking),people don't really understand,or know what to say to us,bless,and I find lots want to touch me,even if it's only to put their hand on my arm,just to connect,but the wicked side of me is always present,and I love the humour of this site,cheers.x

 

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

7 Jun 2017 02:42 in response to 38g

Lol.  May give the powder and dust a go!  Best wishes, Nick.

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

7 Jun 2017 07:09 in response to 38g
Exactly, I get that all of the time. I say to them that I look ok on the outside but it is the stuff inside causing the problem!!

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

13 Jun 2017 08:29 in response to NAB

I find it reassuring that your wife was also in denial. So it's normal and he's not just insensitive! My husband seems to brush it under the carpet every time I mention it. all I get is ...well you don't really know yet do you ... I have a tumour and I've been told I am having a lumpectomy of my breast. they don't know for sure what kind of cancer but 99% of the time a necrotising tumour is malignant so I'm just being realistic. I've had cancer before I met him so I kinda know the drill. 

Any positive news from here on in is welcomed, but I'm preparing my self for a rollercoaster, it's like we are at the theme park in the queue for the scariest ride and he still doesn't believe we are about to get on it. 

I do however beilieve I'm going to get off it, I might look a bit disheveled at the end but I will dust myself off as usual. 

I also get the well she looks fine to me comments.. I've had fluid on the brain for five years causing visual and hearing disturbances, severe pain and neurological difficulties, I have had around 60 lumbar punctures which have left my spinal chord scarred and cause me mobility issues and severe pain in my hips legs and feet. But because I do my hair and make up and present with a bubbly personality I'm fine. .. No I'm not it's the butrans patch and the oramorph that get me to that point of looking ok... Now I'm facing breast cancer too and I get a high five from my hubby because I Might not need a full mastectomy! 

Thing is he is a great husband, I just think he is trying to keep me upbeat, but I need something different from him at the moment. I don't know what it is though, which makes it ten times worse. 

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

13 Jun 2017 18:43 in response to Laraine1

Hi

Firstly sorry you have been through so much already and have to face it again.  Good luck with everything.

I am thinking pretty much the same way.  Would rather be armed with all the information, be realistic and then be pleasantly surprised.  It is difficult because what we think is good news is not always the same thing.

My treatment has been delayed as they have seen something else in the results.  Waiting for this to come back but hoping it is OK and that the prognosis remains the same.  The alternatives are not as good but would rather know and get on with it.  (I say that now but who knows how I am going to feel on this ride!).  9 weeks of not knowing now.

It is a worrying and stressful time. 

Thoughts are with you. 

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

13 Jun 2017 19:38 in response to NAB
Laraine1 and NAB, my thoughts are with both of you xx

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

20 Jun 2017 11:00 in response to Moderator Sarah

I had a horrible comment to me on Sunday at work probably said no intention to hurt me, but I was asked when my husband and I last had sex ?  That did hurt as I have only diagnosed with cervical cancer stage 2 for a week plus the girl knows that my husband is type 1 diabetic and something don't work like they used to 

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

20 Jun 2017 11:08 in response to Limesbabe
Hi Limesbabe, that is utterly appalling. You must have been so upset. Did you tell the person what a dreadful thing that was to say? Probably you were too upset and just had to swallow it. Keep posting on here- it does so help. Hugs, Seaspirit xx

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

20 Jun 2017 11:12 in response to seaspirit44

I was upset and I said back to her, when did you last have sex ? as she's single and then she just changed the subject

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

20 Jun 2017 12:49 in response to Limesbabe
Well done, she got the message!

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

20 Jun 2017 13:00 in response to Limesbabe

This is absolutely appalling and I feel for you. To be honest irrispective of your own diagnosis or your husband's diabetes this person has no sensitivity whatsoever in Even asking such a question. I am sure you were too upset and shocked to consider a reply but 'mind your own business' comes into my mind.

May I  wish you all the best with your treatment and send you a virtual hug. Jules54

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

20 Jun 2017 15:13 in response to seaspirit44

Thank you Happy

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

20 Jun 2017 15:18 in response to jules54

I don't know quite to say except for what i did say and she said in front of 1 other carer and 1 senior carer as well, and she is a senior carer herself  but only 23 and shes don't really emotional things, don't really know why she does caring. Well i shalt be as friendly towards her as i have been. i have to do as she says when she is the senior in charge but i am slowly going to wash my hand of her.

 

Thanks you for your wishes on my treatment and virtual hug back

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

20 Jun 2017 17:34 in response to Moderator Sarah

Hi

ive only just been told I have it and it's spread so I'm early stages no proper diagnosis or treatment plan yet.as it's in my spine I spend most days in bed I'm in total shock as I was working 3 weeks ago.ive already had the some comments that I think are worrying me more.

i do feel for people who generally are gon smacked but some people are rude.. but reading these I'm ready for my replies ... 

 

thanks 

francesca

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

21 Jun 2017 08:22 in response to Moderator Sarah

You'll be fine, you are so healthy (apart from having cancer...)