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12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

24 Jan 2017 16:58 in response to lynnd

Hi and welcome to the forum (also saw your post on another thread).  My late husband was not in denial but did not like to talk about his illness (found it too emotional) and so I was always the first port of call when people had questions. I actually learnt a lot along the way and took all support that was offered to help me cope.  Finding this forum during his three year journey was a big part of my support as there is real understanding to be found here even though the cancers may be different.  Wishing you both all the very best.  Jules

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

25 Jan 2017 13:11 in response to jules54
Hello Jules, Thank you for your message. I dont know whether my husband is in denial or not or whether hes just covering up to try to spare me. It is just over 4 years since he was diagnosed with liver cancer. The only treatment that he can have is ablation which he has had twice so far. His next scan is due next month so until then it is just a matter of trying to get on with things as normally as we can. We both still retain our sense of humour and try to stay as positive as we can. Dave also had a major stroke nearly 16 years ago so we had to learn to adapt to a different type of lifestyle. Cancer has taken quite a few of my family and friends over the years, therefore I have a realistic knowledge of what to expect in time, even though different cancers cause their own different symptoms. I am sorry to hear of your husbands loss, and like you I have been trying to find a forum like this for ages. I have read quite a lot of the threads and find them uplifting and helpful. Many Many thanks once again for your messag. Lynn

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

26 Jan 2017 11:47 in response to KatieZ

Hi Katie

In reply to your question it is radio frequency ablation, where they roast the tumour. He has had 2 removed already since he was diagnosed. 



12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

26 Jan 2017 12:00 in response to max56
I had a friend ask me whether I had thought of making a Bucket List and then when everything seemed to have been removed in surgery said "i suppose we are going to have to put up with you for a bit longer then. You'll probably just come back and haunt me anyway!" I did warn her of the perils of slipping on some soap on the stairs but I can't see how any of this was meant to be amusing. She seems to think that I am losing my sense of humour. Must be the cancer!

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

26 Jan 2017 16:11 in response to Welshborn

lol I must say that whenever I have good news I tell people this means they'll have to put up with me a bit longer. I guess whether it's funny of not depends on how you feel at a particular time Happy


12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

26 Jan 2017 16:14 in response to Moderator Sarah

On a similar theme ... this appeared on my FB feed the other day.
Number 7 looks familiar and number 13 made me laugh as I do have a mate called Dave who uses a wheelchair (he also scuba dives) and everyone in our area seems to know him!



12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

1 Feb 2017 15:20 in response to davek

You’ve read the list, now watch the video!

With World Cancer Day just around the corner (4 Feb), BBC Three has created a short film called Things Not to Say to Someone With Cancer. The film features four conversations between people who've had cancer about the frustrating (and sometimes funny) things people say to them.

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of well-meaning comments such as “you don’t look like you’ve got cancer!”, or been asked “why have you still got hair?”, this could be for you.

I think we’ve all had one of these from time to time, what do you think? Happy

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

10 Feb 2017 09:28 in response to Moderator Sarah

Very well said I am going through some of that and been very sad at times

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

15 Mar 2017 22:32 in response to Bexmac54

I love this response, That means there is someone else like me ! I know its vain but the scariest thing for me was the thought of loosing my hair and all i got was the same response...youre so brave ect!  i already felt less of a woman at 25 having to have a hystorectomy my hair to me was the last feminine thing left on i decided to have the ice cap....well let me tell you it was the most painfull thing i ever endured everybody around me oh youre so brave etc etc... well i wasnt brave just scared and needed people to be honest listen when i was frightend and let me vent when i needed to and thanks to this forum more people will be aware of how to react instead of just trying to be kind although it doesnt always come across that way.

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

16 Mar 2017 12:12 in response to Moderator Sarah

Hello All on this not too bad spring afternoon.

I thought you may like to read of my latest venture of someone with "foot in mouth" disease.  It may make you smile although I'm still working on it for myself.  I spoke to someone on the phone this morning who said that she hadn't seen me for a while.  I told her that I'd been diagnosed with lung cancer in November 2016 and, following various tests that we all know about, had a left lobectomy on 14 February, yes, Valentine's Day.  There was silence at the other end of the phone so I explained that I'd had half my lung removed because of cancer on Valentine's Day and what a present and she replied - and I still can't believe it - "Oh lovely".  It was then my turn to be silent. It proved that she just wasn't listening and I just can't believe how thoughtless and ignorant some people can be.  So with a quick "must go" on my  part, mainly before I said something that she'd be sorry for, I put the phone down.  But a month after the surgery, I'm able to do most things, although at a slower speed at the moment.  So to those of you waiting for this surgery, it is a worry, a very big worry, but you will get through it .  Take care. 

Love Carol x

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

16 Mar 2017 16:25 in response to Moderator Helen
Absolutely loved this video and shared it on fb hoping that friends and family watch it and go uhoh:-) Its amazing i have experienced all of what they were talking about and understood perfectly. Thankyou for sharing this great video. ness x

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

18 Mar 2017 23:26 in response to davek

OMG i get this all the time........Well Susan 3 trowels of make up and 3 hours of getting ready makes me look human! Have you considered maybe i have children animals oh and responsibilitys to take care of Wink Nobody has time to be sick and thats why we push on!  Positive thoughts to all Wink lol xxxxx

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

20 Mar 2017 23:40 in response to CarlaH

my favourite thing not to say is " are you better now ? "  err no not really lol not as if i have had a cold nope i am in remmission from cancer got to laugh though havent you

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

10 Apr 2017 01:07 in response to Moderator Sarah

1 Youre so skinny. Youve lost so much weight. Id love to have what you have.....

Buahahaha not the thing to say to someone with esophageal cancer that cant swallow food and is struggling with liquids. But I do have a pretty twisted sense of humour and (although the people who said it werent intending to be funny) it has made me laugh.

2 Stop being so negative. You'll beat this. Don't give up.

hm nah im pretty sure stage 4 will beat me and I will believe my oncologist over blind optimism. Sorry for being a realist but I'll throw a few punches along the way Wink

3 But youre too young for this cancer. (My gp said this). Im 38 and esophageal cancer usually effects 65+ year olds. I am the chosen one! Lucky me!

12 things never to say to someone who has cancer

10 Apr 2017 16:47 in response to SamTheVillaFan

Hi Sam,

I was told that I was too young and I'm twenty years older than you! 

Next time anyone says they wish they could lose weight, offer to swap with them and enjoy their well-earned embarrassment lol 

Other question and responses that go down well are how are you/still got cancer, count your blessings/that won't take long ... finished! and the old have you tried the whatever is in fashon this week diet/bit late to try alternative preventions, that's like saying try keeping your tyres inflated at the correct pressure to avoid them wearing out when they've already blown out in the fast lane of the M6.