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Synovial sarcoma continued

Grandparents and children sharing tips and stories

From Hamish Mackay

Continuing from my previous contribution on Synovial Sarcoma.

I am now six months down the line from my surgery, I have had two clear MRI scans and the doctors are happy with my progress. I am seeing the head of the Orthopeadic department in Ingolstadt Hospital. He is a specialist in bone related cancers. Apparently my form of cancer is quite unusual so I am an interesting case, which helps me in as much as I continue to see the top surgeon.

I am still in pain, I still do too much and wear myself out. Work and my family and friends are still very supportive. But I have still not been given the all clear. I feel remarkably good, but there is that psycological itch at the back of my mind that keeps telling me I still have cancer. I receive Lymph Drainage massage therapy three times a week which reduces the pain and promotes the blood supply to the effected areas to improve healing. I don't know if it works but it feels great. I have found that I am frequently being told off for doing too much, but I feel at a loss to measure how much I should be doing.

I have a number of Life policies with critical Illness cover, which have paid out because of my cancer, this is something I never thought I would need, but the extra money will help me buy a new house when we finally return to England. The only problem is, that I keep wanting to spend money, buy a new motorbike , buy that new car i've been promising myself. My wife Sarah has told me on more than one occasion that I must stop spending money, that there are more important things, i.e the new house. It is very difficult to see her point of view. The money from the insurance is mine. It is me that has cancer, it was me that went through two operations to remove those tumors. If you want some money, you go through what I have. I need some comforts to make things better. I forgot that my wife has gone through every step of the way with me.

It is very easy to feel that it is all personal, but in reality I think it had a more profound effect on those around me, and I would not of got through those black times without submissions to this site, and people have very different stories, but they all say that they could not have got through this without the support of their loved ones, or that the thought of not seeing their children grow up gave them strength. The fact is we all cope in different ways, and it is difficult not to feel that it is you alone who is going through this. We must remember that our families suffer as much if not more than we do, and in fact they are just as scared, just as vulnerable as we are. I have 18 months before I can receive the all clear, but because of the help and support of those around me I hope to have much more than that to see my children grow, to see my grand children and to get on with my life.

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Updated: 28 September 2009