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Advice - when your partner has cancer

From Ronald Bernard

The person who has the cancer will be short tempered, mainly against their wife or husband. When it happened to me I was hurt and confused until my wife explained it was frustration. and she had to take her anger out on someone.

While visiting my wife at Velindre hospital in Whitchurch, Cardiff, my wife’s mistake was not wanting to bother the nurses. The result was she suffered unnecessary pain.

Before Sheila was able to get back into hospital she was very ill - vomiting, not sleeping or eating. Dr M Adams and his team were very caring, but not all the nurses were caring. I mention this only for relatives to monitor their loved one. Wife wanted to pass water. She rang and rang she was ignored so nature took its course and she was left. So don’t put it down to your relative rambling. There should be a dedicated staff member or someone from Tenovus who you can go to without your relative suffering.

A female doctor and a few nurses kept onto my wife daily about going into a home. Dr Adams and team stopped that. No one needs pressure at a time when things do not look so good. 95 percent of the nurses are just fine, those are not the ones you need worry about. I and another husband did complain.

This is not sour grapes. My wife passed away on the 23rd of December. Of course the nurses all have a difficult job, but we all need to know that our loved ones are not put under any stress.

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Updated: 28 September 2009